Request Behind the Complaint


Behind every complaint is a request! We hear a lot of complaining in our families, organizations and communities. Sometimes we are the complainer looking for some one to lend an ear and other times we are asked to provide a place for someone to vent their frustrations. We agree, we all need someone to vent to now and again, however, we need find people who are going to hold us accountable for what comes out of our mouth. Who can we trust to remind us of what is most important? We can help each other find our voice to ask for what we need. When we find ourselves or others complaining we need to create space for some healthy ventilation. Healthy ventilation allows us to get things off our chest so we can proceed with healthy choices and not so we can complain on and on and on without ever resolving anything.

So…. next time you find yourself or someone else complaining gently ask, “what is your request?”, “what do you really want?”.  Now, this may sound simple in theory but for many of us we may not be sure what we want right away. We are used to complaining and being supported by others to keep right on doing so. What we are suggesting is that we break this cycle and begin to ask ourselves and each other want we really want and then get the support to ask for it! Complaining keeps us stuck in cycle of feeling dis-


empowered and by discovering what we truly need and be able to ask for it we are freed us and the enjoy the benefits of a healthy sense of self.

Take a few moments to write down a few complaints you have recently and then ask yourself what you are really wanting. What would it take for you to ask for what you want and to turn your complaint into a request?

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